So you got married and became a man of vows. All the promises you made to your wife mean something now. So it’s time to walk the path. Fortunately, being a good husband is not impossible. It is about following your heart and your consciousness and acting out of love for your woman. These simple steps, if taken seriously, can help lead you and your significant other towards a bright future.
Table of Contents
- 1 Be a principled man
- 2 Show affection
- 3 Put everything together
- 4 Tips
- 5 Warnings
Be a principled man
Be a gentleman if she lets you.
Most (not all) women find the idea of a gentleman cute and endearing. If your wife is that type of girl, then prepare to let out the knight in you. Think manners around the 17th century: kiss them to say hello and goodbye. Carry the heavy shopping bags for them. Open doors for them. Pay for dates. Of course, there’s always the possibility that she doesn’t want to be treated in the “gentleman” way. If so, don’t take it personally. Keep being sweet to her even if you don’t give her special treatment.
Respect is an act of understanding. Understand that your wife is an independent other person and that although your interests are usually aligned, she may not want to do things in exactly the same way as you: keep your promises. Do what you say you will do. If you tell her you’re going to wash the dishes, don’t back down and make excuses while she takes on the task. Be punctual. If you say you’ll be somewhere at a certain time – say so, pick your child up from daycare – and be there. Your wife’s time is just as valuable as yours. Respect that. Stop making assumptions. Don’t just assume that she’ll do something because she’s your wife. Instead, create a good culture of communication. Learn to ask her for a favor. Hear what she has to say. Don’t pretend to be listening – really listen. Sometimes all we want is a good listener or a shoulder to lean on. Let her talk and be absorbed in what she says.
Make it a habit to tell the truth. Ask yourself how you would feel if you found out that your wife is keeping something from you other than a birthday surprise. Always tell her where you are going if she wants to know. Tell her who you’re dating. Tell her what your motivation is, even if you think it’s trivial. Being open and never lying creates great verbal communication, which is at the heart of all great relationships.
This goes without saying, but it must be mentioned. Cheating is a form of lying. You wouldn’t really accept it if your wife had an affair, so why would you have one? If you’re having an affair, take a good look at your life and ask yourself why you married the person you married. If you love your wife but desire another woman, realize how unfair the situation is. You want comfort from your woman, but you’re not ready to be exclusive and honest with her. This is selfish behavior of the lowest order. You can’t keep the cake and eat it at the same time. If you don’t love your wife anymore, why are you still married to her? Both of you would probably be better off if you had the opportunity to find someone you really love or someone who loves you back. Think about it.
Laziness is the number one turnoff for women, and a bad habit you should kick. Laziness doesn’t necessarily mean watching football on Sunday; Laziness is not doing something that you know you “should” or “want” to do but can’t bring yourself to do. So take out the trash, surprise her by cleaning the house once a week, or work out to show her you have self-worth. It makes a big difference.
Don’t try to be selfish.
We could debate for hours how selfish people are, but one thing is for sure: even when we are selfish, we have the ability to be selfless. Love should inspire this selflessness. Instead of always asking yourself what you can do for yourself, start asking yourself what you can do for your wife or what you can do to benefit your marriage. Decrease jealousy. You may get jealous from time to time, and that’s okay as long as you try not to let it affect your wife’s happiness. (It’s probably a good sign if you’re jealous.) Jealousy can be very selfish. Never stop your wife from doing something because you are jealous. Make compromises. Learn to meet in the middle. Often what you want and what your wife wants will be something completely different. In that case, adjust your expectations. Don’t expect to always get exactly your share or win the argument.
Never raise your voice, yell at her, or physically abuse her.
Your wife trusts you to look out for her comfort and safety. Don’t set a bad example and let your emotions take over. If possible, control your tone in an argument: “I’m concerned that we’re not sticking to our budget. I’m not blaming you for anything. I’m just looking for our long-term happiness, and I want to have a chat about how we both manage our spending habits can change.” Resist ad hominem or personal attacks. The following isn’t a good way to argue: “Really? Do you really want to make sure our kids get a good school? Well, why don’t you talk to your ex-boyfriend the principal then? You seem to have a great relationship with him .” Never hit, hold, or threaten your wife with violence. Don’t try to use your physical size as an advantage over her. Your wife could sue you.
Find small ways to make her feel great.
It’s funny because often the smallest things find their way to nurture the relationship. Ask yourself, “What can I do to make my wife even happier?” It doesn’t have to be earth-shattering to be effective. It’s the thought behind it and the feelings in it that are the real gift: Work on having a better relationship with your in-laws. Few things are more important to them than you having a relationship with their parents. Your in-laws probably don’t see this every day, but that undercuts the importance of the goal: ultimately, she wants you to love her like you love your parents. Does your wife really care about charity? Invest in microcredit on her behalf and give it to her as a gift. She’s now the proud beneficiary of someone else’s chance. Do things around the house that she doesn’t normally enjoy. For example, if your wife hates doing the dishes, make her a “don’t have to do the dishes” card, good for a week without having to do the dishes.
It may seem strange, but being open with your partner is really a sign of affection: it shows her that you trust her and, more importantly, that you enjoy being emotionally intimate with her. Women are especially attuned to their emotions; men often do not. Being open with her will reassure her that you are taking this step for her.
Show her you love her.
Why did you marry her in the first place? Tell her why you love her and how she makes you feel on a daily basis. Do this often. This will lead to good habits, encourage more love and affection, and reduce the amount of stress. Write her a short handwritten letter. Put it under her pillow when you kiss her goodbye in the morning and tell her to check under her pillow. The note could say something like, “Every day that I’m with you, I learn even more about how incredibly lucky I am. I love you.” Approach her from behind when she knows you’re in the same room and give her a heartfelt kiss on the back of her neck as you wrap your arms around her. It will melt your heart. Make your own romantic fortune cookies. Find a way to put a personal message of happiness in the cookie your wife is about to crack. Have the message say something like, “Only you can crumble my heart….”
Support them in their honest endeavors. Whether it’s supporting her when she wants to take a Latin dance class or going out with her friends, your support makes her feel safe and takes calculated risks. When she has nothing else to fall back on, she knows she can count on you to be her rock, her muse, and her lighthouse. When your wife is feeling down, find a way to cheer her up. Bring her breakfast in bed, massage her feet, or rent her favorite movie. Again, small things can mean a lot.
Bring the man back to romance.
It may not be the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning, but romance is essential to a healthy relationship. Don’t assume that just because you’re married, you don’t have to try to be romantic with your wife anymore. Not only is the thought misguided – what if your wife decided that she didn’t need to watch her weight anymore now that you’re married? – it would also take some fun out of your marriage. So be a man and do manly things. be romantic Treat yourself to a date night at least once a month. Some couples find time to go on a date every week, but once a month is appropriate. Plan a date that will bring back memories of a great date at the beginning of your relationship, or plan a date that will get the blood racing again: skydiving, whale watching, or watching a movie, to name a few. Celebrate your anniversary. Your anniversary is really important to your partner, and it should be to you too. It has a symbolic meaning and also gives you the opportunity to renew your love. Forgetting the anniversary is a big no-no. Planned at least one dinner and chilled a bottle of wine. Keep the intimate relationship strong in bed. Don’t let things fall asleep in bed and don’t take them for granted. Seek to please your woman as she pleases you and continue to explore each other’s sexuality.
Put everything together
Trust her completely.
A lot of the things mentioned in this guide revolve around trust. If you don’t trust your partner, chances are you live in an extremely miserable place. Learn to trust your wife as you would want her to trust you.
Reveal your personality.
Marriage is an ongoing opportunity to get to know someone better and better over many, many years. If you keep some aspect of your personality secret or closed, you probably won’t get everything you want out of your marriage. It really shows that you get what you give. Have long conversations; make her laugh; share interests, hobbies and pursuits; take them to places that have personal meaning to you; encourage them to meet your distant family members (and do the same for them); engage in disputes; share fears, doubts and vulnerabilities; be who you are, not who you think she wants you to be.
Remember the golden rule.
Not only is the golden rule important to our conception of morality, it also helps us navigate the sometimes stormy waters of marriage. The golden rule is don’t do anything to anyone that you wouldn’t want them to do to you. All of this means “put yourself in their shoes” before you act. Of course, you have to have the right perspective when applying the golden rule and you can’t lie to yourself about what other people want. If you’re unsure about something, ask yourself, “What would I wish for if I were my wife’s position?” This is generally good practice to engage in.
Draw on your beliefs for strength and actively seek meaning with your partner in your life journey. Surrender to your wife as you surrender to your God. Maintain your stats all the time.
Be proud of your appearance.
Of course, most importantly last: practice good hygiene, look sharp—inside and outside the house—and make sure you maintain the same level of cleanliness as your wife. If you care how well your wife dresses and how often she brushes her teeth, then she probably cares, too. And that’s how it should be between two people who love each other, isn’t it?
Be romantic – buy from her and a gift if you feel she deserves it. But not too much, you don’t want to spoil them. Show her how loving you are in front of her friends, e.g. tell her how beautiful she looks. Help her family with everything, shopping, and repairs at home. trust her! Sacrifice time and effort for them. Listen to what she is saying and use what is being said constructively rather than as a lecture.
Don’t chase after other women – it will show her that you don’t think she’s attractive. Instead, compliment her. And look at her more.